04 November 2012

Running For Lack of Anything Better To Do

I've gone and convinced myself that I can be a runner.

You may put me down for crazy. 

I have one month to "train" for a Jingle All the Way 8k run in DC. Currently I can run 1 mile...on a treadmill...

You're gonna be so proud of me. Today, I told my parents I was going to run a few miles into town to grab a prescription and then run home. I aim high folks...and this is after I haven't run in about...three months.

Whaaat, I've been busy. Remember, fire? Stress? Body eating itself?

My excuses are better than your excuses. Aren't you jealous?

So on my "fun run" today, my thought process went a little like this:

Okay, this isn't so bad. I am rocking this.

Super easy guys, this is why running rocks. So relaxing, my body digs this.

You know, it's a little chillly out...should have worn one of those lame awesome ear warmer headband thingies. I'd look super cute.

Wow, my chest kind of hurts....should it hurt? Ohmygod, am I having a heart attack? No, no, it's fine, just good old exercise. Maybe my body's going into shock...from this new experience it hasn't had in awhile. I may die. People die while running, I should just stick with yoga...if I ever got around to doing yoga...note to self: sign up for yoga this week.

Should I be spitting this much? That's really not attractive, but maybe it'll keep any murderers away...don't get any ideas murderers, I am a horrible target. I'll come at you spitting and maybe crying with snot running down my face...I'm practically already there. Don't mess with me, it'll just be embarrassing for both of us.  

Am I going to die? Is CSI going to be picking up on my DNA every where cause I spit my way down Main Street and that's how they find my dead body?

Do we even have a CSI? Nope, probably not.

Am I going to vomit like real athletes? Okay definitely not, definitely walking now. Still a champ, still moving, I can totally do this.

30 minutes later at the pharmacy, definitely called my Mom to come pick me up. Hey, my head was cold, okay?

February Disney Princess Half-Marathon HERE I COME (ohyesidid!). Awww yeah...just look for the girl on tv who is puking everywhere before she passes out from crying.

Totally got this.


1 comment:

  1. This is the funniest account of running I've read - and totally accurate. Please make an audio recording that plays segments at the 5-minute markers of running-trainer apps! Or be my running commentary (get it!?) in February. :)