06 November 2012

Lame-O Photos for Blog Posts Never Done

You know you're obsessed with blogs and blogging when...you take really random photos all the time thinking "I'm totally going to blog about that." Oh yeah, I have a shit-ton of just...weird photos that I really can't think of what I'd write about using them.

So let's do a story!! In the 15 minutes before I have to go to work! Awww yeah...creativity....the nerds of NaNoWriMo would be so proud...

There once was a hipster princess....
 Except she didn't call herself that...cause....like....um, no. "Princess" are you kidding me? (Except deep down inside she always wanted to be a princess, even though the feminist movement says no, and the Court of Hipsters Who are Cooler Than You and You Just Don't Get It...also don't approve of princesses...but you know who does....
 Super awesome, semi-hipster theatre friends (HI RAVEN!! Miss you!). Sometimes they're hipster together and sometimes they dress up to go to a Murder Mystery Party because they're theatre people and that's totally okay that it was about Who Dunit instead of getting trashed....at 28. What? (Big 'ol shout out to Laura, a non-theatre person I might add, who let theatre people into her party. WHAT was she thinking?!)

So this hipster princess liked to experiment with stuff that looks like crap, but you can actually eat it. One day she made spaghetti squash bolognese and she managed to get her parents, who she lived with now (and that's totally okay, do you know what our economy is like right now people? God....backOFF), to actually eat it and like it. There was much joy in the kingdom.
 Except that a few days later, hipster princess found out she can't have tomatoes on a low FODMAP diet. Fuck you FODMAP. You RUIN EVERYTHING....
....except for Murder Mystery parties...there's been no research that says one can't enjoy a cocktail and some costumes.
 Yes that is a lion on hipster princess's shirt. What? She's a lion tamer...CLEARLY. For love of all things cat-like. BackOFF.

Hipster princess moved away from DC and dearly missed all the wonderful, magical parking tickets she got (DC, you are welcome for that $2,000 in parking ticket funds she provided you with)...she missed them so much, she made sure to get one when visiting Salem, MA.

(Oh yes I did take a picture of my ticket. For blogging purposes. Don't judge me asshole.)
                         (Did I ever mention that I'm overly paranoid? I know you're out there stalkers and you're not going to get me by checking out the license plate number on my parking ticket here. But just, in your mind, imagine a lovely strip of paper with "you suck at parking" written in glitter. That's how they roll in Salem. Seriously. Can't show you the photo though. Just take my word for it...)

 Pppsssshhh, $25 ain't nothing. It's like a souvenir. Except if you don't pay, the witches and the pirates will come after you.
 Hipster princess is apparently fond of Asshole Brad. (Awww yeah Rocky Horror Picture Show with PROPS. You make my theatre heart happy.)

The hipster princess went to get sage advice from the Great CharlieDog.  But he was asleep, per usual.  Nobody naps like a CharlieDog can nap.
 And nobody can take drunk photos with a friend dressed like a bee and not remember why exactly or where exactly, like hipster princess can. Talent. You gotta have it.
 (He's a violent bee....a stinger bee perhaps?) (HI KYLE! You're pretty. Like a princess, but not quite hipster princess. Lucky you.)

Then the hipster princess woke up, sobered up, and went to get some non stomach irritants at the store, where they keep the food. Hello Wegmans. You're my favorite. Bet nobody can tell what kind of diet hipster princess is on. She's not entirely sure either. But Gelato = low FODMAP, pumpkin puree, butternut squash, leeks, shallots = low fiber/low residue but not low FODMAP (fuck you FODMAP), grass fed frolicky pork meat, environmentally friendly and hipster friendly tuna and salmon, lemon, coconut milk, almond milk, all = low FODMAP & low residue....but that mint chocolate coconut milk is just pure pleasure. Have you tried it?? Thank you So Delicious. It's the bestthingever!

Except...it's not the best thing ever. In the land of hipster princess, Ben's Cookies are TheBestThingEver. You should pay a few hundred for the plane ticket to London, JUST TO GET THESE COOKIES.
Well, for cookies and for cheesy photo opportunities like this.
(I hope you caught on that I'm hipster princess. If not...you're kind of an idiot. We can definitely be friends. I give hugs to everyone, regardless of smarts or attention span.)


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