06 November 2013

The Grad School Life

....is not much different from my theatre working life in DC.

Over caffeinated, stress, crazy hours, panic over what to do, having no fucking clue what's going on, finding camaraderie in the trenches, rediscovering my love of wine (wait...did I lose it?) and snacking before passing out fully clothed, and trying to see as many shows as cheaply as possible that the city can offer.

I'm not sure at what point I thought getting my MA would be easy. Maybe it slipped in there a little bit every time I explained to someone what I am getting my degree in.

Pssst...haha, yeah...ummm, I'm going to school for...umm...theatre ensemble. Yeah it's okay, I don't really know exactly what that is either. Um...basically....I'm learning how to create within a group. What do I want to do with that when I'm done? Oh, well, ummm...it's not that I haven't thought about it, it's just that my choices in life are very fluid and change with the times. So I'm not sure yet, is what I mean. But hey, that's how it is in theatre isn't it?

People always seem to feel uncomfortable when you aren't definitive about what your ultimate goal in life is. Why can't it be okay that my goal in life changes? I'm always curious about new things and I like where that has taken me. It may sound insane, and it was, when I worked five jobs in DC, but I learned a whole hell of a lot. And made some seriously fantastic memories in the process. I wouldn't trade my DC experience for anything.

I feel a bit off balance finally being over here and studying something that is actually quite fluid and malleable. But I am enjoying it so far.

We just had two students (who are also a part of another training program in London that is not a degree earning course, so they joined our course to obtain that MA) make the decision to leave the course. It sent a bit of waves around yesterday because it does make one stop and think, especially with such a small class that is so dependent on each other....as it is ensemble work. What about this course is wrong for you? Does this mean it's wrong for me? Even if you feel absolutely solid in your decision, it just gives you pause. It took me a little while to shake off the sadness that comes with that decision from people in your group and finally come back to, yes, yes I am supposed to be here. This is what I want to be doing right now. I may be completely confused about where it's taking me, but you know, that pretty much sums up every decision in life. You hope it takes you one way but you just can't guarantee the outcome.

Unless you work in math. Then I think you quite frequently know the outcome. But I'm not 100% sure about that. I work in theatre you know.

Poetry in structure. Trafalgar Square.

Lindsay xx

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