11 May 2010

Late Bloomer

I've always been a bit of a late bloomer. Mainly when it concerns coming into decisions that others had made for themselves ages ago.

I didn't fully get behind the decision to make acting my life's work until about a year or two ago. Which, for actors that I've come across, is quite late in life as most of them have been pursuing proper theatre education since before they went to college.

Since I graduated undergrad, however, I've known that for whatever I decided to do, I want to go to grad school and I want to go to grad school in England. I feel an attachment for England that I haven't felt for any other place. I'm not sure why, but I know I want to make my career over there if I can.

In the course of an evening I've been thinking over some big things that concern my going to grad school over in the U.K. Big things like...I think I may put it off for another year.

This thought terrifies me because I always have this burning desire in me to be over on British soil as soon as possible. Even when I've gone over to visit, right before I'm about to leave and head back to the U.S., I start to get depressed and angst-y about leaving.

But this might be for the best. One of my best friends is getting married in April and I want to be as involved in the wedding as possible. Also, if I put it off for another year, but can still stay motivated and productive, then I want to be more active here in the D.C. theatre scene. I was thinking I could take an acting class with one of the theatre company's here in D.C. in the fall. I would be able to spend more time auditioning and possibly get work for the fall season. Then, due to that whole burning thing going on inside me, maybe I could save up to take an acting course over in London at one of the big schools. It'd look good on my resume, I'd be able to spend some time in England before coming for grad school, and I'd be more prepared for what grad school would throw at me.

Of course, this line of thinking is quite positive and happy until I start thinking about what age I'll be when I finally get my Master's degree. I hate to be one of those people, but it does make me nervous. It shouldn't matter to me, as this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, but having always been the late bloomer, it just makes me antsy. It's hard to describe. Though on that note, I can always look to my Mom for inspiration. She's in her 50's and she's currently on the path to completing her undergrad degree in computer science in order to go on and get her master's in library science so she can be a librarian. All this while she's working full time.

I'm so proud I could burst.

So if I could just be a bit more like my Mom, then being a late bloomer wouldn't matter. What matters is pursing what I love, regardless of what age I am or how much money I have (or will make).

Cue sappy music and me hugging someone in the background, probably sobbing in an overly dramatic way. That's just how I roll.


P.S. I quit my morning job that had me working at 5AM every morning. I'm hoping this will allow me more time to blog and pursue leisurely activities that involve acting/reading/thinking big things. Should be easy now that I'm not cracked out on caffeine...though I've just come to find that I have a severe coffee addiction due to the SEVEN cups of coffee I use to consume daily to get through 4 jobs and only 4 hours of sleep a night. Caffeine withdrawal is no joke kids.

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