08 September 2014

Sexy, Sexy: After 30 Edition

Let me tell you, things are different this side of 30. I'm a more stately lady. Regal is a word that comes to mind. So does 'ethereal', 'elegant', 'mature', and, well....total and utter bullshit.

Yup. There is nothing too sexy about my comfy socks, hair in a bun (and inability to remember when I last washed it because it's been up like that so long), snacking on some espresso chocolates, and ignoring my budgeting because I'm too busy nerding out over....umm, ya know, nerdy things I'd rather not divulge at this time.

But alas, I needed to write a damn post cause I haven't in ages and I have found a list I wrote just after my 30th birthday this July. I would like to share it with you.

Please do remember....this is who it's coming from. ALWAYS TRUST THE MULLET:



Ahem, I present to you:
Sexy Things After 30

People that like my dog. Sexy.




Sexy things in general:
-Warm, clean, cozy socks
-A whiskey and a hot bath
-Human beings with good hygiene (what? you do remember how to shower and use deodorant? Stop it, you sexy, sexy person.)
-8 hours of sleep
-Bed by 10pm (so unbelievably sexy...and mythical. Does it happen? Ever? Not for me. Must....watch...another episode of Lost Girl...)
-Knowing the right length of time for a hug. Good length hugs aren't creepy, just comforting and I want more...from everyone.
-Buying me a drink (I am poor. This is just exciting in general and you will be one of my favourites when you buy me a drink. I get super shocked and overly excited. So my birthday was like giving a puppy a room full of tennis balls. WHAT? DRINKS FOR ME? REALLY? I'll have five of them please.)
-Knowing how to make a good cup of coffee. TALENT.
-Beer the colour of coffee. Always sexy to me.
Knowing that this beer is the best beer. SEXY. I love you Smog Rocket.

Breakfast and coffee immediately upon waking. Sexy.

In Men:
-Knowing good beer
-Offers a good foot rub, with wine and a salted caramel brownie (I mean...this is just a working theory. I assume this is very sexy, but it has yet to be offered.)
-Funny guys. But having a good sense of what's comedic works both ways. If you don't like my rude/awkward/weird/inappropriate sense of humour...well, that's just not sexy. If I can make you laugh---->definitely sexy.
-Dudes that read fiction. Just as a rule. I mean, non-fiction is cool. But I want you to understand my obsession with story telling and I just don't think non-fiction can fully encompass all the magnificent ways to tell a story.
-Dudes that do not balk at the word 'feminist'.
-Banter. Do you know what this is? Do not leave me hanging fella. I don't want to put in all the conversational foreplay.
-Guys that are not afraid to rock it at karaoke, but not too good, please. This isn't American Idol. This is cheap beer and songs from the 90s that nobody really remembers all the words to.
-Do you know all the words to California Love? If so, please disregard everything else. I'm sold.
Men who find my ridiculously pale legs sexy...you are DAMN FINE sir.  (Working theory.)

And bonus round, things I find sexy about a place:
-Free wifi, outlets, no credit card minimum, drip coffee, chocolate, bathrooms, lots of space to work (Timberyard, you sexy, SEXY beast. Stop looking at me like that. I am so turned on by you right now...in, like, a hipster kind of way. Post on that soon.)

Additional sexy...Man Crush Monday: Kris Holden Ried from Lost Girl. Ultimate sexy.
Yes. Yes I do have a screenshot of this picture on my phone. What of it?


And last, but more importantly...self confidence. In anyone, man or woman, is always a sexy, sexy thing.

I'm working on it.


xxLindsay

2 comments:

  1. I was singing California Love while reading this post and then somehow it morphed into the Will Smith "Wild Wild West" song. I don't even know. xx

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    1. This is definitely one of the reasons we're friends <3 xx

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