Meatless Monday...I Guess. If I Must.

Forgive me Bloggers Who Bake, for I have sinned.

Last night I became one of those people.

I gave an honest-to-god go at making a cookie in a cup. You know, the throw a bunch of ingredients into a cup and microwave it in a sad attempt to make a single serving of a cookie. In a cup.

It turned out embarrassingly awful. Never again. I'm just going to pretend that glutinous sin of cooking never happened.

Lately I have been trying to put in the effort to cook at home. One of those gallant affairs is now going to be thrown into ..... Meatless Mondays (sigh).

I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm still hardcore omnivore. Never fear, breakfast bacon, I still love you. But I clearly need to eat healthier and make better life choices.

Nobody should ever be faced with the option of making a cookie in a cup.

I've done a few of my Monday's meatless here in America, trying out the veggie lifestyle again. I'm definitely not clueless in this area. At least not as clueless as someone thinking a cookie in a cup is a good idea. Without adult baker supervision.

The many years of struggling with my Crohn's means I've tried a lot of different diets: vegetarianism, veganism and even Macrobiotics. None of them ever stuck. Probably because my body really, really needs those sweet B12 vitamins. Or just bacon full stop.

But I really want to be a better cook and I do care about the environment. Which means trying to be a little more veggie, a little more often. So here's what I've thrown together, mostly without recipe, and has turned out much less embarrassingly then the aforementioned Cookie Debacle.

Jacket Potato with cheese, roasted broccoli with lemon. Simple and straight to the point.

Art provided via my sexy, sleek camera....I mean my iPhone

I call the next one Pasta a la Wha Da Fuuuuck.....Is In This, Cause It's Amazing. (Working title)

Herbed goat's cheese, roasted red onion, sun dried tomatoes, spinach wilted in the hot pasta, dressing: garlic and ginger pressed, olive oil, fresh lemon juice.

Clearly I am picky about what kind of veggie meals I eat. I veer on the side of Mediterranean style or straight up pub food. Recipe suggestions welcome. Nothing too crazy where I have to purchase all kind of strange things. I like simple. Though maybe something a little more complicated the flour, egg, butter, sugar in a cup.

Never again.

xxLindsay

Things As Of Late

Right this very moment I am eating Stilton cheese infused with candied lemon peel and it is fucking delicious. I am also considering going to get a donut and coffee because those are two things DC does very well. (HOW MUCH have you missed my blog updates, world? I bet you've been sitting there thinking...'Gee, I wonder what Lindsay has eaten today or is considering eating?' Maybe you should check out my Instagram account, mmm? Lots of really horrible food pictures there. Lots of opportunity to be the creepy, creepy life stalkers we all know we are but only admit to in therapy.)

I want to get back into the blogging game as I've always taken such delight in it and some of my funniest material comes out best in blog format. Also, Amanda is back at the British Bake Off Bake Along blog posts (say that twenty times fast) and those are always my favourites. Which means I must get back into a regular blog reading, if not blog posting.

I am back in America and let me tell you....repatriating is a bitch. Language necessary. I hate it. It's worse then the first time I did it after my year abroad in college. But then again, the first time I repatriated back, I just turned 21 that summer, so many of those months were spent in a slight G&T haze of delight. So it couldn't have been as bad as this.

Things I did not expect:
-Dealing with a mild case of depression since I've been back. It sucks. It's tiring. Apparently it can be pretty common when you have a big life change. But this depression also means my creativity seems to have been sucked from me, making everything I use to love doing extremely difficult. I have many things planned to help myself get over this blue period, fear not.

-I did not expect to have a hard time making friends in a city where I have friends. Sometimes it feels like I'm auditioning for a role that I originated, but no one is quite sure if I can pull it off again. Even though the role is Me. Me As Your Friend. It's a weird place to be in, but I'm sure I'll work it out by getting real aggressive with my social calender. Or maybe I'll just stay home in my pjs and have a binge rewatch session of Doctor Who while eating bacon. Wait and see what happens. If suddenly I just balloon up, send for help.

-The American food is not as good as some of the American-style foods in England. I have yet to find a really, really delicious burger and I miss Byron so bad. What's up with that? I fully understand and accept that my citizenship may be revoked as a result of that statement.

-I moved back to DC and now weed is legal. WHATTHEWHAT? 4/20 was a day where AdMo neighbourhood spent handing out free seeds to grow (as you can't sell them legally). Now what I'd really like to know is....where's the lifestyle blog that's modelled for the weed lifestyle? Something quite girly in pink and white, with instructional how-to's on properly baking pot brownies for your gluten free guests. Maybe a nice Pinterst board all about matching your pipe to your outfit of the day? Who's with me on this?

-America is struggling with a lot of harsh stuff. We could see it all going down from England. The police shootings, public shoot ups, the war on women and their reproductive rights... It's a different thing seeing it from the US. In comparison, seeing it from the UK was like seeing The USA Issues Lite. I was not prepared for the amount of racism I've seen, or the fact that so many people really, really hate my womb, or.......the worst thing of all, now I won't be able to sneak food into movie theatres because they're doing bag checks for guns. It's a scary place being in, without an ocean between you and the Republican party.


Clearly, adjusting to being back here is taking me some time. I've set up a few things in order to help me along my path to feeling more comfortable here. I just started working for a farm one day a week and I get paid in vegetables!

I haven't a clue what half of these things are. Luckily, this is America. Everything can be fried.

Now I just need to find a place that will give me free donuts and coffee.

I'm starting volunteer training for a DC animal shelter soon as well. Thank god. I need a puppy fix in my life. Who doesn't need a puppy fix?

The other two things that are currently providing a big distraction from my malaise is two fitness challenges I just jumped right into without thinking much about (ahh that's the ol' Lindsay I know and love). I'm running a half marathon on October 31st in Philly because of reasons like: my aunt and my brother are running it, I want to buy a new running outfit for it, this is just an excuse to run long enough to need one of those gels that taste like velvety chocolate,  and also cause I don't really want to participate in the usual American Halloween revelry of getting piss ass drunk and making bad outfit decisions. I think I've made enough memories from those Halloweens of Old to keep me shuddering in embarrassment well into my 80s.

The second challenge is signing up for a charity walk in NYC with two of my college friends. Turns out....you have to actually train for this kind of walk as it is 39 miles in two days. For some reason in my head I thought, 'nooooo problem'. Well guess what I learned? RUNNING IS SO MUCH EASIER. I am dead serious. I'd rather run 10 miles then walk 10. I'm hurting in all kinds of new ways. It's weird. My feet are not happy. Also FUCK this weather, DC you suck. Humidity is no way to die, but DC sure is trying to MURDER ME.

I feel you should all take pity on me and donate to my walk. I pledged to raise $1800 but haven't gotten very far due to much of summer spent running around going 'it's not depression, it's hormones!' and my doctor saying 'it ain't hormones. Now stop crying into that donut.'

I've done fundraising before, but right now it feels like people are less likely to donate money when you are not fundraising for something you currently suffering from. People were all about donating to my Crohn's fundraiser........though that might have been to stop me from talking so much about bowels. This time around I'm raising money for breast cancer research. I still can't believe it's something we do not have a handle on yet. This particular charity really won me over because they're not just about donating to the research, they're all about helping the people with breast cancer and their families get through a tough time. I can relate. Donate here: the link that leads to doing good things with your life.

Please consider donating. Don't make me hold a bake sale. Trust me, no body wants that.

Check back in on Friday's for a fitness update. I can do planks for, like, a whole minute now without swearing like a sailor. Have I impressed you with my physical feats yet?

xxLindsay

Looking Back....In Horror. (It Does Get Better, Kids)

Everyone knows that you need to look at where you've been in order to figure out where you're going.

...or something like that anyways. I don't know. I'm not google. I don't have all the answers.

Since coming back to America in March, I've been trying to figure out my place in this world. I'm in DC again, I have a job, a whole new set of skills thanks to my MA that involve a whole lot of interpretive dance and a fondness for group massage. The world is my oyster. So of course I'm mildly panicked and haven't left the house. 

My mom passed me some old school pictures a few weeks ago and I'm hoping by analysing the person in each one will help me to figure out where I'm going.

Let's see shall we?

It all started with sweet innocence. She's just an adorable little elf. This picture says 'I like to giggle and play. Everything is sunshine-y! Let's be friends!'

Then we move on to loveliness and 'such a good little girl'. Look, she even likes to pretend she's a sailor! She is trustworthy and will make an excellent girl scout. She clearly likes cookies cause she is all sugar.

Okay, okay, so there's a little bit more rebellion here. Making her own fashion choices on her own. Oh yes, she went for the perm. And the headband almost as big as her head. Okay, cool, still adorbs, and clearly heading in the nerd direction (did you catch that bling? Straight out of a kickass book called The Silver Slippers, part of the Charm Book series.) Clearly a nerd who is desperate to be a ballerina. Oh honey....things are not looking good for you....

Then things take a turn for the worse. Little Lindsay learned what happens to a small town girl when she tries to go against the crowd, do her own thang, be an independent woman who can cut her own fringe.

Lesson learned: don't ever cut your own fringe. The hair dresser who tries to fix it will teach you a lesson.

NEVER CUT YOUR OWN HAIR.

Mullets happen. They happen to teach you a lesson.

Look how fluffy it is. The lesson I learned that day is that a bad haircut will change you. 

IT. WILL. CHANGE. YOU. 

It somehow manages to defy gravity. It also makes me appear to be slightly psychotic. I should have gotten therapy for this. And this outfit clearly says I also wanted to be accepted as a poet with deep, deep thoughts. Thoughts that run as deep as the forest on my head. No, there is no business in the front, party in the back. I have feelings we need to discuss. And only a black turtleneck will convey that.

After that bad haircut I refused to cut my hair. I started to go far, far away from trying to be an independent woman and delved straight into 'No, no, no. I am a LITTLE PRINCESS. Not a 7 year old wanna-be trucker, no matter what my mullet suggests.' So my opposition to the haircut landed me straight into the Land of Wanna-Be Sister Wives. This photo looks like I've been groomed for the life of being a little lady that stays at home for her husband she shares with 9 other little ladies, and I get to make all my own clothing, lucky girl. 

DAMNIT WOMAN, is that a SCRUNCHIE?!

And now we move on to the period of my life where I am clearly making quieter statements with my look. This one whispers gently that I'm on the path to being a middle-management IT professional/serial killer. Also, maybe I like cats more than people. Also, cheese. I may talk to walls. Maybe cause that's where I hide the bodies.

Finally, the school pictures stop after this last one. This last one was just after my mom made me do my laundry for myself and I accidentally got bleach in with all my black goth clothes. So I know for a fact I'm only wearing white because I clearly need supervision at all times. And that choker says I'm a badass but also still can't let go of wanting to be a princess cause it's made of LACE. LIKE A GODDAMN LADY. Who listens to a whole lot of Korn, Disturbed, Cold and Fiona Apple. Because, clearly, those all go hand in hand. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS.

And here I am today. Repatriating back to America. (Well this was last year, so still in London with a few more months before the dreaded repatriating and still relatively happy/possibly drunk.) I managed to turn out okay so who knows what the future may hold?

Looks like this was taken in the British Library where I was researching my dissertation on women and nudity in comedy. Who wouldn't be happy with a topic like that?

If you have some awesome school pictures of your past self, please, do share. Let's all learn together.

NEVER CUT YOUR OWN HAIR.

xxLindsay

A London Thanksgiving: Damn Crazy Americans

I made a turkey. Then people ate it. We were all surprised that everyone lived to tell the tale.

Last week was one of my favourite holidays to spend in London. Thanksgiving. It'll be my second year spending it here and it brings me no greater joy than to celebrate this very American holiday with my UK friends.

Daytime adventures. First party helping with turkey prep for second party.

Last year was very reserved, respectful and lovely. (Raise your hand if this makes you giggle to think of me hosting something so civilised. Yeah...thanks Mom.) I had my closest London friends round my flat for a sit down meal and quiet reflection on what we were thankful about.

This year was a good reflection of how I live my life now: occasionally tipsy, chatty, a complete disregard for any kind of diet, hey there cute dudes--let me feed you, tomorrow will someone reassure me that I did not indeed embarrass myself like I feel like I did, and Cards Against Humanity is always appropriate no matter the political climate.

This year, my Thanksgiving day plans were created on a drunk night out with another American expat. I had to be told the next day what these plans were. I'm like, Obama girls classy. Ammiriiiiight? (BOOM American Cultural Reference FOR THE WIN.)

Obama classy.

Boy, are the best plans made over drinks or what?

Planning on having fun. Thanksgiving involves mucho wine. Also comfy socks. 

I did a two pronged Thanksgiving assault onto my UK brothers and sisters. What resulted in basically me having an all day party for me and two separate parties for my friends. For the day party I invited all my classmates, co-workers, and actor-y friends, then I had a separate evening meal with my  longtime friends I've known ten years...and had so many people that it was more of a buffet party that involved Cards Against Humanity, several toasts, a slightly drunken giving thanks circle, and a lot of conversations I vaguely remember. It's safe to say that I was a pretty decent host at the first party and a fairly shit one at the second one. 

But I was surrounded by friends that are comfortable with this. I am thankful for these people. Also, I wasn't the only American there to represent. My old DC flatmate was in town on business and helped me bring the American cheer to our UK brethren. Just showing everyone what they're missing by not having crossed the pond so many years ago. 'MERICA.

Forcing all the Europeans to watch Charlie Brown at party 1. You're gonna watch it AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT...even though everyone always feels slightly depressed after a Charlie Brown viewing. And that right there is a goddamn TRADITION.

I will think fondly upon those hazy memories. And the leftovers are just giving me great new memories. Like how one shouldn't really keep leftovers as long as I have, but damnit, I'm a rebel. And I'm kind of poor. And I spent a shit ton on that turkey and by God, I WILL CONSUME ALL LEFTOVERS.

Expensive turkey getting stuffed. There's a dirty joke here somewhere. Give me some time....

Friends. They're not American. But I'm sure they want to be after all that superfunadventuretime.

Google hangout with my family. While hosting a party. Also a little drunk. In my defence, so was my family though. My friends awkwardly watched this display while quietly stuffing their face with American themed dishes: Green bean casserole and Ranch's veggie dip.  I'm like Martha Stewart for my UK friends. So put together. 

I think the rest of the pictures are only from my day party. I started with Bloody Mary's and worked my way to the wine and champagne. Me handling my very expensive fancy camera for the evening party would not have been a wise choice. I'll just have to use the rest of my day time photos for a post on creating your very own Expat Thanksgiving.

Keep it classy London,

Lindsay xx

Christmas Afternoon Tea at Conrad London St James

A little over a month ago I was invited to preview the afternoon Christmas tea at Emmeline's at the Conrad London St James Hotel. There are very few things that get me as excited as Christmas events do, so I was more than happy to try out what Conrad London has in store for Christmas while still in September. (And I decided not to post until closer to the holidays...cause I'm timely like that and totally think these things through. Not at all because I've forgotten about blogging for awhile...ahem....)

It's a freaking Christmas SCENE. Seriously, how cool is that?!

If you want to check out any other reviews or find out when the next London Bloggers Tea event is, check out the hashtag #LDNBloggersTea. We're trendy like that, hashtag and all.

Prerequisite tea pouring photo. A must for all tea bloggers.

I will not lie to you, dear reader (hi mom!), this event also lured me in with it's promise of Laurent-Perrier Champagne. If you book the Christmas tea special, you can get this magical, wonderful, Christmas argument resolving, free flowing Champagne. And if you have to have a Christmas afternoon tea with a few pesky out-of-town relatives, what better way to numb the pain and add delight then with Champagne. This healthy tip is brought to you by years of experience. (There you have it folks, LindsayDinsyDay--Inappropriate Humour Since 1984)

Our menu was expertly decided by Chef Zoe and is as follows:

Christmas Tea Menu
A Selection of Savouries











Brussel sprout salad (creamy and surprisingly delicious...though you'd would not be able to convince a child to eat this. And in fact, I am quite like a child, if you hadn't noticed. I waited for at least three people to tell me it was delicious before rudely sticking my finger in it to try it. In fact, they were correct. Very tasty. And I am just full of class to spare.)
Turkey ballotine (always a safe choice. You can't go wrong)
Venison bite (so freaking tasty, I would have this for my Christmas dinner)
Smoked salmon & lemon crème fraiche sandwich
Cured gammon & mustard sandwich
Beetroot & spinach sandwich (absolutely my favourite sandwich, who cares about the rest. Try this.)
*I have no pictures of the sandwiches. I was too busy stuffing my face. 

Freshly Baked Orange and Cranberry and Christmas Spice Scones served with Devonshire clotted cream, homemade strawberry jam and blackberry curd

After we politely gorged ourselves on the savouries, we still had the dessert course ahead. You will most definitely be satisfied with the amount served at this afternoon tea. Not so much that I feel guilty for waste, but just enough to be the kind of snuggly, happy full I so much enjoy. Especially at Christmas. Layers in winter are a girls best friend. Pro tip.

The desserts were brought out with flare and panache. We had harp music playing in the background and you really could not help but feel all Christmas-y and happy with this scene before you. Look how Conrad just plays with your emotions. I just wanted to curl up next to the fire and watch It's A Wonderful Life after this feast.

Cakes and Pastries
Winter berry Christmas tree
Chocolate orange Battenberg present
Snowflake macaroon
White forest yule log
Christmas postcard marshmallows
Mini meringue snowmen
Edible Snow

 Conrad London St James is located at 22-28 Broadway SW1H 0BH. The Christmas Snow Scene Afternoon Tea is £37. The Christmas Snow Scene Afternoon Tea with Free-flowing Laurent-Perrier Champagne is £45.00.

Blogger friend and my favourite afternoon tea partner: Amanda from over at  Rhyme and Ribbons

Cheers,
Lindsay xx

TImberyard: A London Coffee Review, Sexy Edition

Upon entering Timberyard at Seven Dials you are greeted by sugary delights and the smell of coffee. I'm always hesitant when I first enter a coffee shop. Will they have what I need? My eyes flit around the coffee area...where are the cones, the drip or the aeropress? Do they know what a V60 is or will they give me the soul crushing confused stare when I ask?

First things first:
-Do you have filter?
-Yes.
*sigh of relief*

-Do you take card?
-Yes--no minimum either.
Oh stop, you're making me feel funny in my lady pants.

-I'd like a filter.
-Which one? Tanzanian--syrupy and light, or Guatemalan--hints of chocolate.
Talking dirty now, eh? Okay, okay...deep breaths...

-I'll take Guatemalan and one of those hazelnut brownies.
-Great, where are you sitting?
*Pause, look around the small claustrophobic space with no seat empty...lady boner starts to fall....*
-Do you have seating downstairs?
-Yup.
*Excited again*

I descend downstairs. The first things I see is a large, airy space filled with squishy seats. My breath catches. Can it be true? Do my eyes deceive me? Are those.....numerous outlets on every available wall space???

My heartbeat picks up, I sweat a little. I find a seat and plug in my dying phone. My fingers go to slowly check....could they possibly have...maybe...looks like it...I'm panting now...give it to me baby---- free wifi. Oh my god. I look up in prayer, thanks, and ecstasy. Then my eyes catch sight of the holy grail. Bathrooms for customers. Sweet jesus, I've come home.

They bring my tray with coffee, brownie and a wine bottle full of water and I am ready to propose. Timberyard. This is love, not just a one night stand. I am home.

xxLindsay

Sexy, Sexy: After 30 Edition

Let me tell you, things are different this side of 30. I'm a more stately lady. Regal is a word that comes to mind. So does 'ethereal', 'elegant', 'mature', and, well....total and utter bullshit.

Yup. There is nothing too sexy about my comfy socks, hair in a bun (and inability to remember when I last washed it because it's been up like that so long), snacking on some espresso chocolates, and ignoring my budgeting because I'm too busy nerding out over....umm, ya know, nerdy things I'd rather not divulge at this time.

But alas, I needed to write a damn post cause I haven't in ages and I have found a list I wrote just after my 30th birthday this July. I would like to share it with you.

Please do remember....this is who it's coming from. ALWAYS TRUST THE MULLET:

Ahem, I present to you:

Sexy Things After 30

People that like my dog. Sexy.

Sexy things in general:
-Warm, clean, cozy socks
-A whiskey and a hot bath
-Human beings with good hygiene (what? you do remember how to shower and use deodorant? Stop it, you sexy, sexy person.)
-8 hours of sleep
-Bed by 10pm (so unbelievably sexy...and mythical. Does it happen? Ever? Not for me. Must....watch...another episode of Lost Girl...)
-Knowing the right length of time for a hug. Good length hugs aren't creepy, just comforting and I want more...from everyone.
-Buying me a drink (I am poor. This is just exciting in general and you will be one of my favourites when you buy me a drink. I get super shocked and overly excited. So my birthday was like giving a puppy a room full of tennis balls. WHAT? DRINKS FOR ME? REALLY? I'll have five of them please.)
-Knowing how to make a good cup of coffee. TALENT.
-Beer the colour of coffee. Always sexy to me.

Knowing that this beer is the best beer. SEXY. I love you Smog Rocket.

Breakfast and coffee immediately upon waking. Sexy.

In Men:
-Knowing good beer
-Offers a good foot rub, with wine and a salted caramel brownie (I mean...this is just a working theory. I assume this is very sexy, but it has yet to be offered.)
-Funny guys. But having a good sense of what's comedic works both ways. If you don't like my rude/awkward/weird/inappropriate sense of humour...well, that's just not sexy. If I can make you laugh---->definitely sexy.
-Dudes that read fiction. Just as a rule. I mean, non-fiction is cool. But I want you to understand my obsession with story telling and I just don't think non-fiction can fully encompass all the magnificent ways to tell a story.
-Dudes that do not balk at the word 'feminist'.
-Banter. Do you know what this is? Do not leave me hanging fella. I don't want to put in all the conversational foreplay.
-Guys that are not afraid to rock it at karaoke, but not too good, please. This isn't American Idol. This is cheap beer and songs from the 90s that nobody really remembers all the words to.
-Do you know all the words to California Love? If so, please disregard everything else. I'm sold.

Men who find my ridiculously pale legs sexy...you are DAMN FINE sir.  (Working theory.)

And bonus round, things I find sexy about a place:
-Free wifi, outlets, no credit card minimum, drip coffee, chocolate, bathrooms, lots of space to work (Timberyard, you sexy, SEXY beast. Stop looking at me like that. I am so turned on by you right now...in, like, a hipster kind of way. Post on that soon.)

Additional sexy...Man Crush Monday: Kris Holden Ried from Lost Girl. Ultimate sexy.

Yes. Yes I do have a screenshot of this picture on my phone. What of it?

And last, but more importantly...self confidence. In anyone, man or woman, is always a sexy, sexy thing.

I'm working on it.

xxLindsay